This afternoon

Right about now, I'm burning up with a fever and the damned flu. I feel horrible but I remind myself that I have to keep working. Maybe something good will come out of it? The cats are sleeping ever so soundly. At least something is making me happy today. Mongsy is on a pillow on the sofa and Xann is on her new fave spot. The ironing board.

A thought just came to my mind. Sometimes we wonder whether we can change the past. What if's and all that. I think about it sometimes. I know there'll be hell lots that I wanted to change if I had my way. But I still believe that I'm destined for something and that these past situations all had to happen.

These are the defining moments in my life for the past decade or more...

1980 to 1983- My first memory. Throwing a tantrum and flinging my shoe over in some shopping mall. Promised a slap unless I retrieved it.

1984- London, mom accidently poking horse in the eye, My hand jammed in some old apartment lift, irritatingly horrid cousins from yorkshire who were bullies, and some how during all this time, I remember my aunt esther teaching me how to tie my shoelaces.

1985- My parent's divorce. I didn't care as long as they looked happy. I also remember my grandfather's passing around this time.

1989- was a good year for me. I remember my best friend ZuL, the hardy boys, the 3 investigators, watching my first movie without parents with my best mate, role playing games and of course the PSLE's.

1990- I moved back with my dad. Conditions were grim. School sucked, I hated it. Did badly for most of my years in secondary school. Dad leaves for an overseas job. Left me with not much to survive on. I resorted to stealing from bakeries. Met friends with the same grim situations. CCK was a real downer. The only source of light was probably Brian(Good friend from school and fellow neighbour)

1993- First relationship. I was 15 or 16. My dad made a big hoo ha over it. I was beginning to seriously hate my dad. Oh yeah, I flunked my O's by the way, no surprise really cuz home situations were shit.

1994- My year of hope and joy. Love, success, and school was beginning to look good. Finally. I did well for my O's. Top student for History and Co top student for english.

1995- 6 months to slack before school starts. Haagen daaz. I meet some long lasting friends in there. Home affairs are getting worse. We keep moving and I feel like a damn prisoner. Oh, and I met the coolest chick ever in poly. Introducing Charmaine Anne Martin, my lil ray of hope.

1996-Bad.

1997-Worse. Dad keeps picking on me. I can't stand to get hit all the damn time. I remember going crazy this one time and hitting him back right smack on the eye. I could have killed him that day. I meet this bunch of goblins in school that I formed a band with. Not exactly the ray of hope that I was looking for.

1998- More fights. I felt shitty most of the time. I left home and never came back. I was broke, homeless, peniless, whatever. A few people took me in at that time. Treated me like I was thier own kid. It was good cuz i hated sleeping in parks and reservoirs and void decks and borrowing my friend's kitchen to make quaker oats. (of which I had that and only that to eat for about 2 to 3 weeks. My dad only bothered to look for me 6 months after I had left. (after many threats from my grandma) Reno found me. I was already working in starbucks at that time.

1999- I refused my dad's offer to go back. I ended up staying with my grandparent's in bedok. Life was starting to get better again. I had lots of fun during my starbucks days and allen/ellen was definitely my playmate and drinking buddy. I met oaks in starbucks. Long story short, we got together 1st dec 1999. Oh ya... and by this time, I had long flunked outta Legal studies, temasek poly. No loss there....

2000- Me and oaks, my band and my anticipation for the army. I was already beginning to get stifled in certain ways. 2000 was a weird time for me. We broke on near my birthday and it was something that I think I did too hastily.

2001- Army times during this year were definitely good and fun. Met a few party buddies. Met oaks from time to time. Shitty birthday party though at some old pub in mohd sultan.

2002- More fun times and my stint with the army ended in june with much fan fare and fun fare. I got a job for which I was totally unqualifed for at the substation in august. It was the beginning of a period of drinks and debauchery. Around this time I had the only fun gig with my band... also at the sub. Met more friends there. Birthday party sucked yet again. It lasted a whole 30 mins. Met oaks from time to time until she left for her studies in au. Oh yeah, my mom let me stay her spare flat in dover crescent, june. I finally had a home. The housewarming part was a blast.

2003- were hazy years for me. I was drunk almost every damn day. Indulgent, hedonistic times. The birthday party had its twists and turns. Sometime during that year I bought myself a piano. Somewhere during this time I played for a friend's wedding. I fucked up big time and forgot all my lines. That will always be a big scar for me. I also quit the band early this year. Thank God for that.

2004- Jan 4th. I'm fired from the substation. My grandad dies the next day. Its' my grandmas turn a few months after that. I give up. I end up working in some cafe. A few months later, I meet Jeremy, back from his stint in Sri Lanka. I knew him from the substation. He asked whether I could play the piano for an album that he was planning to do in 2005. I was a shitty pianist but I said yes anyway. He had faith in me and this was to be the key defining moment in my piano playing career. oh ya... xann buckley joined the family in july.

2005- Jeremy rented the pink room for a couple of months early 2005. He painted while I worked on my piano. The vibe was excellent. In a way, he inspired me in a way that I can never thank him enough for. I signed up for piano lessons, took my jazz grade 4 and got a merit for it. For me, Nuclear families is a gem of an album. Oaks sneakily moved in around september and we finally got back together. I also had a good lil holiday in perth for 2 weeks in june. 2005 for me was the year that life was beginning to look up.

2006- I spent the new year working. I was recently promoted to shift manager but that wasn't really what I wanted to do. Jeremy and me start working on the new album, the albatross. By this time, we did 2 gigs at home club and generally, I was starting to feel a little better about myself. We started recording around september. I also took my final jazz 5 exams and passed.