I am planning for a miracle.
I am unreasonable because reason has high risk.
I am a part of time, space and the universal mind.
My souL is way bigger than this body.
Time is relative.
I know all but have yet to experience it.
We are all part of the same thing;
Energy matter and sub-atomic particles.
This world was built upon energy and ideas.
The time is now.
There is only now.
Thursday 22 November 2007
Tuesday 20 November 2007
God is...
The way my cat sleeps ever so peacefully without a care in the world,
The big ocean that roars at small little me,
My realization that even if I go bald I'll still look good,
The way things change ever so subtly,
The smile that comes from the eyes and not from the lips,
The truth that not all music and art has been created yet,
In the gifts that what we all need is always in inexaustible supply,
The wonder of it all knowing that I can't always explain what I do,
Speech without words but the heart understands anyway,
Life that makes us all happy, mad, sad and all over again,
Something that blossoms despite of its initial perceived ugliness,
The magic that the big bang still exists in our tv static,
The plan that's so big that its hard for me to see it all.
God is all this and more.
The big ocean that roars at small little me,
My realization that even if I go bald I'll still look good,
The way things change ever so subtly,
The smile that comes from the eyes and not from the lips,
The truth that not all music and art has been created yet,
In the gifts that what we all need is always in inexaustible supply,
The wonder of it all knowing that I can't always explain what I do,
Speech without words but the heart understands anyway,
Life that makes us all happy, mad, sad and all over again,
Something that blossoms despite of its initial perceived ugliness,
The magic that the big bang still exists in our tv static,
The plan that's so big that its hard for me to see it all.
God is all this and more.
Friday 16 November 2007
From one thing to another.
I'm still bloody sick. IF its not one thing then it's another. Apart from the fact that I keep burning up then cooling down and burning up again, my nose is having the dribbles like a leaking faucet. I thought I was on the road to recovery with my asthma and preventor and all. Last month, I was diagnosed with alopecia areata. Basically, it's the immune system acting all funny and attacking the roots/follicles of the hair causing new and old hair to drop.
It starts out the size of a fifty cent coin. Recovery however is 50% so that is somewhat comforting. The causes of alopecia areata is stress, and imbalance in the body systems and overheating. The doctor's don't really know. (I've googled a couple of sites) There are also certain psychological effects which naturally come about from having something like this.
I keep reminding myself that the inner world creates and reflects the outer world. I know at certain times, I am definitely stressed. This is after all one of the Biggest steps I'm taking in my life. But you know what, I'm living my dream so I guess a lil hair loss won't bother me none.
It starts out the size of a fifty cent coin. Recovery however is 50% so that is somewhat comforting. The causes of alopecia areata is stress, and imbalance in the body systems and overheating. The doctor's don't really know. (I've googled a couple of sites) There are also certain psychological effects which naturally come about from having something like this.
I keep reminding myself that the inner world creates and reflects the outer world. I know at certain times, I am definitely stressed. This is after all one of the Biggest steps I'm taking in my life. But you know what, I'm living my dream so I guess a lil hair loss won't bother me none.
Thursday 15 November 2007
A time of growth.
2007. The year moved along pretty steadily. I was getting restless and I planned for an exit. I was going to leave cafe jobs for good. However... I got fired before I could leave. Long Story short, our inner world creates or reflects our outer world, not the other way around. So I guess it was pretty much my own doing. I am set on teaching and making money from it and I'm NOT going to give up or leave this business until I make a hell of a lotta money from it.
My current situation is not that financially fantastic but for the first time in years, I feel free and happy. I know where I'm headed towards and things look good. Jeremy finished his albatross album quite recently and I think its a beautiful album. I love it.
I haven't stopped learning too. Given all the money in the world, I'd prob learn and teach music for free and perform whenever I like.
Before I end this, I just wanna say that I love you Oaks. These are trying times and you've supported me through every one of them.
My current situation is not that financially fantastic but for the first time in years, I feel free and happy. I know where I'm headed towards and things look good. Jeremy finished his albatross album quite recently and I think its a beautiful album. I love it.
I haven't stopped learning too. Given all the money in the world, I'd prob learn and teach music for free and perform whenever I like.
Before I end this, I just wanna say that I love you Oaks. These are trying times and you've supported me through every one of them.
This afternoon
Right about now, I'm burning up with a fever and the damned flu. I feel horrible but I remind myself that I have to keep working. Maybe something good will come out of it? The cats are sleeping ever so soundly. At least something is making me happy today. Mongsy is on a pillow on the sofa and Xann is on her new fave spot. The ironing board.
A thought just came to my mind. Sometimes we wonder whether we can change the past. What if's and all that. I think about it sometimes. I know there'll be hell lots that I wanted to change if I had my way. But I still believe that I'm destined for something and that these past situations all had to happen.
These are the defining moments in my life for the past decade or more...
1980 to 1983- My first memory. Throwing a tantrum and flinging my shoe over in some shopping mall. Promised a slap unless I retrieved it.
1984- London, mom accidently poking horse in the eye, My hand jammed in some old apartment lift, irritatingly horrid cousins from yorkshire who were bullies, and some how during all this time, I remember my aunt esther teaching me how to tie my shoelaces.
1985- My parent's divorce. I didn't care as long as they looked happy. I also remember my grandfather's passing around this time.
1989- was a good year for me. I remember my best friend ZuL, the hardy boys, the 3 investigators, watching my first movie without parents with my best mate, role playing games and of course the PSLE's.
1990- I moved back with my dad. Conditions were grim. School sucked, I hated it. Did badly for most of my years in secondary school. Dad leaves for an overseas job. Left me with not much to survive on. I resorted to stealing from bakeries. Met friends with the same grim situations. CCK was a real downer. The only source of light was probably Brian(Good friend from school and fellow neighbour)
1993- First relationship. I was 15 or 16. My dad made a big hoo ha over it. I was beginning to seriously hate my dad. Oh yeah, I flunked my O's by the way, no surprise really cuz home situations were shit.
1994- My year of hope and joy. Love, success, and school was beginning to look good. Finally. I did well for my O's. Top student for History and Co top student for english.
1995- 6 months to slack before school starts. Haagen daaz. I meet some long lasting friends in there. Home affairs are getting worse. We keep moving and I feel like a damn prisoner. Oh, and I met the coolest chick ever in poly. Introducing Charmaine Anne Martin, my lil ray of hope.
1996-Bad.
1997-Worse. Dad keeps picking on me. I can't stand to get hit all the damn time. I remember going crazy this one time and hitting him back right smack on the eye. I could have killed him that day. I meet this bunch of goblins in school that I formed a band with. Not exactly the ray of hope that I was looking for.
1998- More fights. I felt shitty most of the time. I left home and never came back. I was broke, homeless, peniless, whatever. A few people took me in at that time. Treated me like I was thier own kid. It was good cuz i hated sleeping in parks and reservoirs and void decks and borrowing my friend's kitchen to make quaker oats. (of which I had that and only that to eat for about 2 to 3 weeks. My dad only bothered to look for me 6 months after I had left. (after many threats from my grandma) Reno found me. I was already working in starbucks at that time.
1999- I refused my dad's offer to go back. I ended up staying with my grandparent's in bedok. Life was starting to get better again. I had lots of fun during my starbucks days and allen/ellen was definitely my playmate and drinking buddy. I met oaks in starbucks. Long story short, we got together 1st dec 1999. Oh ya... and by this time, I had long flunked outta Legal studies, temasek poly. No loss there....
2000- Me and oaks, my band and my anticipation for the army. I was already beginning to get stifled in certain ways. 2000 was a weird time for me. We broke on near my birthday and it was something that I think I did too hastily.
2001- Army times during this year were definitely good and fun. Met a few party buddies. Met oaks from time to time. Shitty birthday party though at some old pub in mohd sultan.
2002- More fun times and my stint with the army ended in june with much fan fare and fun fare. I got a job for which I was totally unqualifed for at the substation in august. It was the beginning of a period of drinks and debauchery. Around this time I had the only fun gig with my band... also at the sub. Met more friends there. Birthday party sucked yet again. It lasted a whole 30 mins. Met oaks from time to time until she left for her studies in au. Oh yeah, my mom let me stay her spare flat in dover crescent, june. I finally had a home. The housewarming part was a blast.
2003- were hazy years for me. I was drunk almost every damn day. Indulgent, hedonistic times. The birthday party had its twists and turns. Sometime during that year I bought myself a piano. Somewhere during this time I played for a friend's wedding. I fucked up big time and forgot all my lines. That will always be a big scar for me. I also quit the band early this year. Thank God for that.
2004- Jan 4th. I'm fired from the substation. My grandad dies the next day. Its' my grandmas turn a few months after that. I give up. I end up working in some cafe. A few months later, I meet Jeremy, back from his stint in Sri Lanka. I knew him from the substation. He asked whether I could play the piano for an album that he was planning to do in 2005. I was a shitty pianist but I said yes anyway. He had faith in me and this was to be the key defining moment in my piano playing career. oh ya... xann buckley joined the family in july.
2005- Jeremy rented the pink room for a couple of months early 2005. He painted while I worked on my piano. The vibe was excellent. In a way, he inspired me in a way that I can never thank him enough for. I signed up for piano lessons, took my jazz grade 4 and got a merit for it. For me, Nuclear families is a gem of an album. Oaks sneakily moved in around september and we finally got back together. I also had a good lil holiday in perth for 2 weeks in june. 2005 for me was the year that life was beginning to look up.
2006- I spent the new year working. I was recently promoted to shift manager but that wasn't really what I wanted to do. Jeremy and me start working on the new album, the albatross. By this time, we did 2 gigs at home club and generally, I was starting to feel a little better about myself. We started recording around september. I also took my final jazz 5 exams and passed.
A thought just came to my mind. Sometimes we wonder whether we can change the past. What if's and all that. I think about it sometimes. I know there'll be hell lots that I wanted to change if I had my way. But I still believe that I'm destined for something and that these past situations all had to happen.
These are the defining moments in my life for the past decade or more...
1980 to 1983- My first memory. Throwing a tantrum and flinging my shoe over in some shopping mall. Promised a slap unless I retrieved it.
1984- London, mom accidently poking horse in the eye, My hand jammed in some old apartment lift, irritatingly horrid cousins from yorkshire who were bullies, and some how during all this time, I remember my aunt esther teaching me how to tie my shoelaces.
1985- My parent's divorce. I didn't care as long as they looked happy. I also remember my grandfather's passing around this time.
1989- was a good year for me. I remember my best friend ZuL, the hardy boys, the 3 investigators, watching my first movie without parents with my best mate, role playing games and of course the PSLE's.
1990- I moved back with my dad. Conditions were grim. School sucked, I hated it. Did badly for most of my years in secondary school. Dad leaves for an overseas job. Left me with not much to survive on. I resorted to stealing from bakeries. Met friends with the same grim situations. CCK was a real downer. The only source of light was probably Brian(Good friend from school and fellow neighbour)
1993- First relationship. I was 15 or 16. My dad made a big hoo ha over it. I was beginning to seriously hate my dad. Oh yeah, I flunked my O's by the way, no surprise really cuz home situations were shit.
1994- My year of hope and joy. Love, success, and school was beginning to look good. Finally. I did well for my O's. Top student for History and Co top student for english.
1995- 6 months to slack before school starts. Haagen daaz. I meet some long lasting friends in there. Home affairs are getting worse. We keep moving and I feel like a damn prisoner. Oh, and I met the coolest chick ever in poly. Introducing Charmaine Anne Martin, my lil ray of hope.
1996-Bad.
1997-Worse. Dad keeps picking on me. I can't stand to get hit all the damn time. I remember going crazy this one time and hitting him back right smack on the eye. I could have killed him that day. I meet this bunch of goblins in school that I formed a band with. Not exactly the ray of hope that I was looking for.
1998- More fights. I felt shitty most of the time. I left home and never came back. I was broke, homeless, peniless, whatever. A few people took me in at that time. Treated me like I was thier own kid. It was good cuz i hated sleeping in parks and reservoirs and void decks and borrowing my friend's kitchen to make quaker oats. (of which I had that and only that to eat for about 2 to 3 weeks. My dad only bothered to look for me 6 months after I had left. (after many threats from my grandma) Reno found me. I was already working in starbucks at that time.
1999- I refused my dad's offer to go back. I ended up staying with my grandparent's in bedok. Life was starting to get better again. I had lots of fun during my starbucks days and allen/ellen was definitely my playmate and drinking buddy. I met oaks in starbucks. Long story short, we got together 1st dec 1999. Oh ya... and by this time, I had long flunked outta Legal studies, temasek poly. No loss there....
2000- Me and oaks, my band and my anticipation for the army. I was already beginning to get stifled in certain ways. 2000 was a weird time for me. We broke on near my birthday and it was something that I think I did too hastily.
2001- Army times during this year were definitely good and fun. Met a few party buddies. Met oaks from time to time. Shitty birthday party though at some old pub in mohd sultan.
2002- More fun times and my stint with the army ended in june with much fan fare and fun fare. I got a job for which I was totally unqualifed for at the substation in august. It was the beginning of a period of drinks and debauchery. Around this time I had the only fun gig with my band... also at the sub. Met more friends there. Birthday party sucked yet again. It lasted a whole 30 mins. Met oaks from time to time until she left for her studies in au. Oh yeah, my mom let me stay her spare flat in dover crescent, june. I finally had a home. The housewarming part was a blast.
2003- were hazy years for me. I was drunk almost every damn day. Indulgent, hedonistic times. The birthday party had its twists and turns. Sometime during that year I bought myself a piano. Somewhere during this time I played for a friend's wedding. I fucked up big time and forgot all my lines. That will always be a big scar for me. I also quit the band early this year. Thank God for that.
2004- Jan 4th. I'm fired from the substation. My grandad dies the next day. Its' my grandmas turn a few months after that. I give up. I end up working in some cafe. A few months later, I meet Jeremy, back from his stint in Sri Lanka. I knew him from the substation. He asked whether I could play the piano for an album that he was planning to do in 2005. I was a shitty pianist but I said yes anyway. He had faith in me and this was to be the key defining moment in my piano playing career. oh ya... xann buckley joined the family in july.
2005- Jeremy rented the pink room for a couple of months early 2005. He painted while I worked on my piano. The vibe was excellent. In a way, he inspired me in a way that I can never thank him enough for. I signed up for piano lessons, took my jazz grade 4 and got a merit for it. For me, Nuclear families is a gem of an album. Oaks sneakily moved in around september and we finally got back together. I also had a good lil holiday in perth for 2 weeks in june. 2005 for me was the year that life was beginning to look up.
2006- I spent the new year working. I was recently promoted to shift manager but that wasn't really what I wanted to do. Jeremy and me start working on the new album, the albatross. By this time, we did 2 gigs at home club and generally, I was starting to feel a little better about myself. We started recording around september. I also took my final jazz 5 exams and passed.
Tuesday 13 November 2007
Things to do.
(I have to remember to not oversleep. I keep getting nightmares when I turn the alarm off and doze off.)
I am on a schedule. Today, I'm trying not to overplan things. You know, what to do at a certain hour. I figured that as long as I'm not wasting time doing unneccesary things I'll be fine.
I am on a schedule. Today, I'm trying not to overplan things. You know, what to do at a certain hour. I figured that as long as I'm not wasting time doing unneccesary things I'll be fine.
Monday 12 November 2007
Oh these domesticated things....
We all have something to do. Big dreams, big plans.
But, the lil domesticated issues are bloody irritating at times. I've said it befroe and I'll say it again, if coltrane could compose "a Love supreme" and still change the baby's diapers, it'll just remind us how human we all are.
But, the lil domesticated issues are bloody irritating at times. I've said it befroe and I'll say it again, if coltrane could compose "a Love supreme" and still change the baby's diapers, it'll just remind us how human we all are.
Thursday 8 November 2007
The beginning
In the beginning, there was nothing.
No you, me, them, him, her and here.
I'm reminded of the many dreams I've had in this life.
Let me take you to my world.
I forget sometimes. Most times.
But maybe this time, I will remember, learn and move on from where I am now.
No you, me, them, him, her and here.
I'm reminded of the many dreams I've had in this life.
Let me take you to my world.
I forget sometimes. Most times.
But maybe this time, I will remember, learn and move on from where I am now.
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