surrender

The most difficult thing to do is to accept your limitations and just go with it. Watching and listening to all these great musicians gets me down but I gotta do what I can do.

Now I'm gone, now I'm here.

The past few weeks since I've got back have been crazy. When you keep on playing the same ol 4 exams songs it kinda drives you nuts. Yesterday, halfway during autumn leaves I broke out into a metal riff on my piano. I have to give listening to hiromi a break. (Her influences range from dream theater to led zep and others which explains the heaviness in her playing)

I had a practice session with the bassist and drummer in school. We practiced the one track over and over again for over 2 hours. Its not like I kept getting it wrong or anything( I think we nailed it after the 3rd try,) its just that I wanted to drive myself to the point of exaustion and still prove to myself that I'd be able to play. Which incidentally, I find to be a good way to practice. During a gig, the worst can happen but you know you'll still be able to perform the song.

I'm glad I was able to unwind with a couple of drinks with J last week at the prince of wales. There was a pretty rocking band called the london something. The sound was good but the couple of nords that the keyboardist had were striking. I wish I had 1, or 2 or more. I was happy to catch up with him cuz the last time we met I think was the gig at the esplanade. Speaking of which...shit, I haven't touch my keyboard since then! damn... Its been mostly piano work for me and its either the same four songs(autumn leaves, in a sentimental mood, straight no chaser and song for my father) or technical work or sight reading. This is the most work I've done so far on the piano but I'm really enjoying it. I really feel that I don't have enough time for practice cuz the hours really fly when I'm sitting at the piano. Maybe I should start waking up earlier at 6 again.

Apart from my songs, I've been listening alot to billie holiday and the beatles lately. (Yesterday I blasted nirvana and hiromi at 9 in the morning but that was a one off.) Billie Holiday's voice is amazing, not like ella fitzgerald or nina simone but in her own unique way. She's got this beautiful feel and a certain sense of vulnerability which is essential I think for musicians. Alot of times, musicians tend to focus too much on technicality, speed, etc when the important thing is to make every note count.
Feel man... apart from rhythm and getting the notes right, its the most important thing.

Stronger

Although I always think that my time in reservist is a waste of time, I remind myself that my life is now and I might as well enjoy it while I'm there. I was initially a bit worried that 2 weeks away from practice won't be good. Turns out that I had a good workout in there, bonded with a few people and cleared my mind a bit. So yeah, its either a holiday or army camp for me.

I've always wondered what people think about during reservist... when they have no choice but to be present. It was funny seeing this guy across my bunk in constant denial. Sleeping it off. But life is now whether you're enjoying it or not and time keeps on moving. The antics of some of the guys were hilarious and although it was quite tough, I had fun. Don't get me wrong, I do not love the army and all that. The army equals war and that is something that I'm quite against. So I take it like I'm going for some adventure camp and that makes it alright. Oh yeah, and the food is great!

The next challenge for me will be to clear the jazz exams. The date is set! 10th of april at 4.20pm.

I'm finding it increasingly difficult to see beyond the sphere of the present moment so I'll guess I'll just go with whatever I have now. Certain things worry me now like what the hell I'm gonna do after the exams but planning is a bitch right now when I can't see beyond. Que sera sera la... We'll take it as it comes and then see what happens.