Absence makes the heart grow fonder: Wrong.

The one who said that absence makes the heart grow fonder obviously didn't think he was going to die tommorow. We all do in the end.

2 nights ago I sat in bed sleepless, sweating profusely soaking up my pillows. I don't know whether it was the fever or the incessant rambling thoughts in my head. I couldn't breathe easy and my seretide inhaler was empty. Its easy for ashmatics to think about death I think. Its such a direct connection, breathing and life. I was scared I'm not gonna lie. I'm scared about death and thinking about it. I lay awake and watched her sleeping. I tried to clear my head by taking deep breaths and the answer I got was that when you think you're gonna die, you love more. Why not me? Why not you? Jesus Christ, Beethoven, Gandhi, Mother theresa, all dead. That is where you're headed too.
I love you I love you I love you. My old friends, my love, my family.... call them. We put off things because we forget that we are gonna die. We create divisions among ourselves, society and whatever because we forget that someday we will lay in the ground and be food for worms. I share something in common with all you human beings. We will all die. So love. Fuck I'm scared of dying. THat doesn't mean I go all hippie and do shit. I dont need to "love thy neighbour" cuz honestly he smells funny but I do need to love people I know... We let thoughts ramble in our head like some mindless machine that we lose control because we forget that all this is not going to last forever. We are all busy with our lives but not busy with our purpose in life which is to bring love to whoever we meet. We criticize others, ourselves but forget that the relationship between the entire human race and mother earth is exactly like the billions of cells working together in your own body. We fight, we kill but No ONe...NO ONE has the right to kill when they have not the power to bring someone back from the dead. We forget, we forget that one person is both unique but part of a whole at the same time. No divisions. We eat the same, we shit the same, we feel love anger fear anxiety and mind fuck ourselves with shit and ego. The ego is shit. It is not confidence. It is like a whiny child in need of attention. Give it none for the ego thinks it lives forever.
Now is the only time there is.